I thought long and hard about these questions, and I had to go all the way back to my earliest primary school days to locate a time when I felt lonely, as described by social loneliness (initially I felt very out of step with my peers at school), but even then I also valued alone time-quite content as long as I had a book or could play pretend by myself. And by 6th grade I had developed enough friends that even that social aloneness had dissipated. I certainly did wish for more alonement time during my busy years of working and raising a child, and often took advantage of the conferences I had to attend to hide out in my hotel room and enjoy being completely alone. Since my husband and I have both been retired--15 years! (and therefore living with each other 24-7) I have definitely enjoyed the rare times when I am alone in the house. I don't really do anything specific, just enjoy the idea that I don't think about how my behavior (music choice, TV choice etc) might affect my spouse. What I find interesting is how friends often struggle with my choice--because of health reasons --to limit my face-to-face interactions, even when they know that I speak to several people through zoom or phone (or text and email) multiple times a day. If anything, I struggle a bit with not getting overloaded with social interactions in this form on a day-to-day basis.
And the desire for it, which means one chooses at certain points to BE alone. I like the word solitude far more than alonement. The latter sounds harsh and uninviting - solitude resonates with sshh and separate. Positives for me.
Do I fear being alone? Yes. I have a wonderful husband of 49 years who understands me even when I'm just taking a breath, so life without him is not be dwelt upon and yet the reality is I must at least address the possibility .
I think most people fear loneliness. As humans we're meant to be social beings. I'm not particularly. I like my dog and my space (which husband understands fully) but there are times, like every Tuesday at ballet, where I welcome my time with good, kind friends.
But I don't fear solitude - it's something I seek often rather than being in social situations. Like M.Louisa Locke, if I have a book, or am writing, or perhaps, stitching, gardening, cooking, even just walking with the Terrier - I value the privilege of being solitary if I choose.
This was such a good post to read and think about - thank you...
Gosh, such a thought-provoking post, Jo - thank you so much.
I enjoy being alone, but I say this from the fortunate perspective of someone who doesn't have her solitude forced upon her. I can, and often do, choose to be in company - and I think that's why I don't feel lonely.
I thought long and hard about these questions, and I had to go all the way back to my earliest primary school days to locate a time when I felt lonely, as described by social loneliness (initially I felt very out of step with my peers at school), but even then I also valued alone time-quite content as long as I had a book or could play pretend by myself. And by 6th grade I had developed enough friends that even that social aloneness had dissipated. I certainly did wish for more alonement time during my busy years of working and raising a child, and often took advantage of the conferences I had to attend to hide out in my hotel room and enjoy being completely alone. Since my husband and I have both been retired--15 years! (and therefore living with each other 24-7) I have definitely enjoyed the rare times when I am alone in the house. I don't really do anything specific, just enjoy the idea that I don't think about how my behavior (music choice, TV choice etc) might affect my spouse. What I find interesting is how friends often struggle with my choice--because of health reasons --to limit my face-to-face interactions, even when they know that I speak to several people through zoom or phone (or text and email) multiple times a day. If anything, I struggle a bit with not getting overloaded with social interactions in this form on a day-to-day basis.
Thank you Louisa a very thoughtful response xxx
Great article about an important issue, Jo. I always enjoy your writing.
Thank you Kerstin xx
Then there is solitude.
And the desire for it, which means one chooses at certain points to BE alone. I like the word solitude far more than alonement. The latter sounds harsh and uninviting - solitude resonates with sshh and separate. Positives for me.
Do I fear being alone? Yes. I have a wonderful husband of 49 years who understands me even when I'm just taking a breath, so life without him is not be dwelt upon and yet the reality is I must at least address the possibility .
I think most people fear loneliness. As humans we're meant to be social beings. I'm not particularly. I like my dog and my space (which husband understands fully) but there are times, like every Tuesday at ballet, where I welcome my time with good, kind friends.
But I don't fear solitude - it's something I seek often rather than being in social situations. Like M.Louisa Locke, if I have a book, or am writing, or perhaps, stitching, gardening, cooking, even just walking with the Terrier - I value the privilege of being solitary if I choose.
This was such a good post to read and think about - thank you...
Great prompts ❤️❤️❤️🙏🏻
Thanks Laura xxxx
Gosh, such a thought-provoking post, Jo - thank you so much.
I enjoy being alone, but I say this from the fortunate perspective of someone who doesn't have her solitude forced upon her. I can, and often do, choose to be in company - and I think that's why I don't feel lonely.