All good sensible advice, Jo, but I would like to add another thing to do that really worked for me. Try to figure out who might have installed the critic. I remember at some point, I think I was in high school, when I noticed that the voice I heard that said i was lazy, and didn't work hard enough was my father's. Now this really puzzled me because, 1) he was a kind gentle person, and 2) if anyone had a reason to be irritated with me when I failed to finish a chore because I went off to read or day dream it should have been my mother, but it wasn't her voice. 3) the only time I heard that tone of voice in real life from my father was when he was trying to teach me how do do something (play tennis, outline before writing a paper.) Since the rest of the messages I got from both parents were pretty positive, I generally tried to ignore the voice, and avoided having him teach me anything. Then, at some point when I was more grown, he shared that his older brother ( who was an alcoholic from an early age) had constantly berated him for being lazy and not working hard enough in swimming and other sports. Viola! It all made sense. It was my father's inner critic, installed by his older brother, that came out in those messages to me. Understanding this made it so much easier to ignore. Although I suspect that one of the reasons I am busy writing in my 70s (not feeling I have to do it perfectly, but just that I should be actively pursuing what I enjoy doing) is a residual effect of that voice! (smile.)
Thank you, Louisa, this is really good advice. However, it can be a task hard with painful memories. My mother was very rarely positive about anything we did as children or adults.
I do remember those experiences sometimes toughened me up against other criticisms when I was younger. A maths teacher, who didn't like me, told me very loudly in front of the whole class that I would not pass my maths exam. Needless to say out of sheer spite, I passed with the highest grade. 😁
I really do understand how fortunate I am that, by in large, my parents were loving and supportive, but unfortunately I know that this doesn't seem true for so many of my friends who struggle with negative, critical voices in adulthood. Particularly hard for writers when the voices become louder as they sit and try to be creative.
I’m reading Tara Mohr’s ‘Playing Big’ at the moment, and she also recommends naming and creating a persona for your inner critic. I’m working on mine. I think she’s a 40-something tall, Australian woman but I haven’t got a name for her yet.
Hmmm. I guess I'm an oddball. I'm not so into myself that I would pay attention to an inner critic. To me that's tantamount to someone who says, "God told me...", etc. I respond, "God only talks to serial killers."
Your estimation is fair but, once again, that inner critic is pretty much an inability to get over any criticism, inner or outer, from one's distant through recent past.
I was in a relationship with someone who insisted that everyone should have a psychiatrist. I consider that a weakness but I finally caved in. I hated it. The whole idea is to have someone to talk to. There is no aadvice involved. It's supposed to help you figure it out yourself. I had to quit going because I'm no dolt. I'm quite capable of fixing what's wrong with the me .
That's like the way I am with my writing. I show it to no one. I go over it myself and any discomfort I feel is because I've always read a lot, from the lightest to the deepest, fiction or nonfiction, and that was is how I realize how important it is to make wording something that won't make the reader quietly mutter, "Huh? What the...".
Okay, Jo. Enough from me for nniw. I thought I had subscribed. Had I not?
You are no oddball Richard from where I am sitting. What you have written here shows that you are a very thoughtful person who is honest in what they write. Yes you are right about the criticism and distant past etc.
I don't agree that everyone should have a psychiatrist. They have their role and I have a lot of respect for many psychiatrists. I think we each find different solutions and strategies to things. Take grief for example. I would never tell anyone else what they should or shouldn't do or how they should feel. If someone asks I will answer but I will never impose.
I am so sorry you don't publish more of your writing. Does your inner critic stop you, that is a slightly tongue in cheek. But from the little snippets you let us read here there are many stories to be told. The predictive text is so annoying, but it is better than my original grammar.…stop sitting on my shoulder Algernon 😁😁 xx
Here is the link to the Substack resource page. It is a very good place to start and give simple instructions. It is fairly straightforward. There are also lots of people giving advice, although many charge a subscription fee there ia also a lot of free tips & advice x
If it costs anything to get started I will have to delay. Expensive car repairs have set me back considerably just when I was starting to get ahead.
Anyway, I don't plan on dropping dead until I reach 100. Hang around, Jo. That's when I was hoping to do what George Burns wanted to do: celebrate the George Burns and Gracie Allen television series to be held at The London Palladium when he turned 100.
I know. When I turn 100 nobody will know who the hell George and Gracie were. To me they, along with Jack Benny, were the funniest people on Earth.
I hate the way these phones add words I didn't type. I made one mistake by spelling a word with two 'a's. Oh, that darned inner critic. I just need to learn to proofread before I post.
All good sensible advice, Jo, but I would like to add another thing to do that really worked for me. Try to figure out who might have installed the critic. I remember at some point, I think I was in high school, when I noticed that the voice I heard that said i was lazy, and didn't work hard enough was my father's. Now this really puzzled me because, 1) he was a kind gentle person, and 2) if anyone had a reason to be irritated with me when I failed to finish a chore because I went off to read or day dream it should have been my mother, but it wasn't her voice. 3) the only time I heard that tone of voice in real life from my father was when he was trying to teach me how do do something (play tennis, outline before writing a paper.) Since the rest of the messages I got from both parents were pretty positive, I generally tried to ignore the voice, and avoided having him teach me anything. Then, at some point when I was more grown, he shared that his older brother ( who was an alcoholic from an early age) had constantly berated him for being lazy and not working hard enough in swimming and other sports. Viola! It all made sense. It was my father's inner critic, installed by his older brother, that came out in those messages to me. Understanding this made it so much easier to ignore. Although I suspect that one of the reasons I am busy writing in my 70s (not feeling I have to do it perfectly, but just that I should be actively pursuing what I enjoy doing) is a residual effect of that voice! (smile.)
Thank you, Louisa, this is really good advice. However, it can be a task hard with painful memories. My mother was very rarely positive about anything we did as children or adults.
I do remember those experiences sometimes toughened me up against other criticisms when I was younger. A maths teacher, who didn't like me, told me very loudly in front of the whole class that I would not pass my maths exam. Needless to say out of sheer spite, I passed with the highest grade. 😁
I really do understand how fortunate I am that, by in large, my parents were loving and supportive, but unfortunately I know that this doesn't seem true for so many of my friends who struggle with negative, critical voices in adulthood. Particularly hard for writers when the voices become louder as they sit and try to be creative.
I’m reading Tara Mohr’s ‘Playing Big’ at the moment, and she also recommends naming and creating a persona for your inner critic. I’m working on mine. I think she’s a 40-something tall, Australian woman but I haven’t got a name for her yet.
Sounds an interesting inner critic x
Hmmm. I guess I'm an oddball. I'm not so into myself that I would pay attention to an inner critic. To me that's tantamount to someone who says, "God told me...", etc. I respond, "God only talks to serial killers."
Your estimation is fair but, once again, that inner critic is pretty much an inability to get over any criticism, inner or outer, from one's distant through recent past.
I was in a relationship with someone who insisted that everyone should have a psychiatrist. I consider that a weakness but I finally caved in. I hated it. The whole idea is to have someone to talk to. There is no aadvice involved. It's supposed to help you figure it out yourself. I had to quit going because I'm no dolt. I'm quite capable of fixing what's wrong with the me .
That's like the way I am with my writing. I show it to no one. I go over it myself and any discomfort I feel is because I've always read a lot, from the lightest to the deepest, fiction or nonfiction, and that was is how I realize how important it is to make wording something that won't make the reader quietly mutter, "Huh? What the...".
Okay, Jo. Enough from me for nniw. I thought I had subscribed. Had I not?
You are no oddball Richard from where I am sitting. What you have written here shows that you are a very thoughtful person who is honest in what they write. Yes you are right about the criticism and distant past etc.
I don't agree that everyone should have a psychiatrist. They have their role and I have a lot of respect for many psychiatrists. I think we each find different solutions and strategies to things. Take grief for example. I would never tell anyone else what they should or shouldn't do or how they should feel. If someone asks I will answer but I will never impose.
I am so sorry you don't publish more of your writing. Does your inner critic stop you, that is a slightly tongue in cheek. But from the little snippets you let us read here there are many stories to be told. The predictive text is so annoying, but it is better than my original grammar.…stop sitting on my shoulder Algernon 😁😁 xx
Thank you for the positive thoughts, Jo.
How do you start a Substack page? I've had a couple of comments but I don't remember having a page. Good heavens!
Here is the link to the Substack resource page. It is a very good place to start and give simple instructions. It is fairly straightforward. There are also lots of people giving advice, although many charge a subscription fee there ia also a lot of free tips & advice x
https://substack.com/resources
If it costs anything to get started I will have to delay. Expensive car repairs have set me back considerably just when I was starting to get ahead.
Anyway, I don't plan on dropping dead until I reach 100. Hang around, Jo. That's when I was hoping to do what George Burns wanted to do: celebrate the George Burns and Gracie Allen television series to be held at The London Palladium when he turned 100.
I know. When I turn 100 nobody will know who the hell George and Gracie were. To me they, along with Jack Benny, were the funniest people on Earth.
I think it is free to start. If you go for paid subscriptions that when it changes x
Thanks!
I hate the way these phones add words I didn't type. I made one mistake by spelling a word with two 'a's. Oh, that darned inner critic. I just need to learn to proofread before I post.