Connections what are they?

What eclectic rabbit 🐇 warren am I taking you down today?

Mildred was not giving up her seat to Bonnie, so we have a bum connection.

What are connections? They come in many different forms. A laptop needs to connect to electricity at some stage to charge a battery. A pipe needs a connection to stop the water from going everywhere. They can be U-bend connections under the sink or mains connections in the street that burst occasionally. Before you press the close button, the rabbit 🐇 hasn't got burst pipes following our brief cold patch here in the UK, and the badger 🦡 has fully charged her laptop. I am moving on to talk about human connections.

Human beings have connections of many different kinds at many levels; they can be physical and essential, like a connection to a life support system or a big hug of friendship. Connections are more often emotional, from the smile of greeting as you pass a stranger in the street to the feeling of companionship sitting and reading after 39 years of marriage. These connections are essential for our well-being. Each of us needs different things.

Friendships are possibly, after family, one of the most important connections, yet, thankfully, there is no handbook telling us how to maintain friendships or what they should look like. Question time: does social media provide an unrealistic view of ‘perfect friendships’. In reality, they can range from short-lived and intense, work friendships for example, or lasting a lifetime - changing and fluctuating as our lives shift. I know countless friendships that have drifted apart, not because I grew out of friendship but because life got in the way. I often think of those people with affection and warmth. Other friendships fall apart because of differences of opinion or minor misunderstandings. However, connections can be both fulfilling and toxic, and we must ensure they are healthy. A whole post on friendships is for the future.

Healthy connections are not just about deep friendships. They include greetings with those you pass in the street or smile, and a thank you on a bus when someone offers you their seat. These connections can be just as meaningful. Years ago, I remember feeling fed up on the way to work. I smiled at a little toddler in her pushchair she gave me a big, beaming smile back. That smile lifted my spirits and set me up for the day. When you live alone, are lonely or feeling down, those little connections can mean a great deal.

An article on the Psych Central website The Importance of Connection published in 2021 states:

But with the rise of digital interactions, we’ve also seen an increase in loneliness.

We no longer meet for drinks after work or gather with our friends for game or movie nights. Meetings and social gatherings are now done virtually. We celebrate the events in our lives with a heart or thumbs-up emoji.

Social media has been eating into our society for over twenty years. How often have you sat in a restaurant and watched a couple staring at their mobile screens? It is not necessarily because they are bored with each others’ company but ‘normal’ social interaction. The most worrying aspect of this is whether children and adolescents are losing the ability to connect and socially interact with others. A Psychology Today article Are Young People's Social Skills Declining?, published in 2020, considered the answer was no. But, & a big one, it was based on data between 1998 and 2010. Digital technologies have changed dramatically since 2010, and we now live in a post-Covid world. Tick, future deep rabbit 🐇 warren dive for more up-to-date research.

Covid taught us a lot about the consequences of losing our connections. It was not all negative, using an exceedingly scientifically robust sample of one - me. I made some significant new connections and cemented existing ones through digital technology. I completed my Existential and Humanist Pastoral Care course 100% online and made strong connections with fellow students through forums and Zoom. We have never met in person, but I consider them friends.
Similarly, Substack is another example. I regard many people on Substack as being positive connections and friends. Many I have never met, yet their writing resonates with me. NOTE - That is not an open invitation for all the fake subscribers/followers to believe I need their direct messages to connect with them because a) they can deliver me from evil or b) somehow take my money.

An article 4 ways to support wellbeing by building valuable connections, lists 4 different connections and how to make the best use of them.

1. Connecting with ourselves

2. Connecting with community

3. Connecting with others

4. Connecting with nature

I agree with the importance of all of these connections. When you live alone, connecting with yourself can be critical. Community can mean so many things, including Substack, volunteering, local groups, and wellbeing walks. In my case, others include people and, you guessed it, dogs. Nature, walks, just sitting listening as I did at Rye Meads Reserve the other week or even in a city park or street.

There can be any number of reasons, particularly as we grow old, why we lose our connections and friendships. Leaving work can be a big one, losing friends and families through death, disagreements and any number of other reasons.

Recently, I will be very honest here, I have stopped connecting with friends and cancelled things. I don’t regret cancelling them as I was not in the right frame of mind. Nonetheless, those decisions made me feel lonely, isolated and slightly bereft. It is my fault and no one else’s. I need to explain, hopefully, to let those who know me understand it is me, not them, and to help others who are grieving feel normal.

My grief is affected by the times of the year. September was the month when wonderful things happened. Sarah’s wedding & birthday were full of fun, pride, and connections; Sarah loved her birthday, and my 60th birthday is memories of my last with John - the last time I heard Sarah say ‘hi Ma’ with a big mum hug. It can be hard to remember the past. Although most of the time, I don’t bury myself down the rabbit 🐇 warren; it is too smelly; at the moment, it feels I am a hopeless case and the best place to be. Stop the tutting. I am trying to explain and I know I will dust off the rabbit 🐇 droppings, climb out of the warren, and get on with life. Christmas used to be fun-filled, frantic, chaotic, and full of connections for me, but now it feels empty.

I genuinely, will enjoy seeing all my friends who are so important to me and having great meals out. I may even enjoy cooking the turkey … not my idea, I can assure you … for two on Christmas Day. The dogs may even get a bit, assuming Mildred hasn’t done a smash and grab, like she did with my new loaf of bread last week.

Before I finish, I will mention two more connections - reading and writing - how we connect to and through our journals and books.

Tanya Lynch

convinced me about the power of journalling a couple of years ago. Her new podcast, The Bibliotherapist, with her co podcaster,

Toni Jones

, is a must listen to get you thinking.

Prompts

These are for you to use as you wish.

What connections have you lost but are still thinking about?

Are they warm fuzzy or toxic? If the latter, how can you banish them?

What connections are most important to you and why?

What connections do you think are there, like reading and writing?

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