Living our best lives as we grow old

A rehash of an old post

Pictures related to living your best life - photo blame me.

I was looking through my old posts from my first six months on Substack for three reasons. Firstly, I am lazy and thought I would save time and regurgitate an old post - another one of my favourite words ‘regurgitate’ it sounds like its meaning. Secondly, look at where I was then, where I am now, do some tidying up on the original post and mull over my journey. Thirdly, did I listen to me own advice.

The rabbits 🐇 are on strike today as they were in blissful ignorance of my existence two years ago and want a pay rise.

From 13th April 2023 - subscribers 58 - 2 posts per week - edited

We are advised to live our best lives as we grow old, however, what does that actually mean. Particularly as your life changes, in my case I suddenly find myself alone. There are so many aspects of, complexities to and history attached to each of our individual lives. Deep sigh …. then there is all the advice, books, videos, journals, toolkits and more. As we grow older the “well meaning” advice of others, including our children, friends and passing acquaintances increases. They all know best although their advice is often contradictory. Yes, grumpy old woman although I don’t really mind as the advice comes mostly from good places.

I will own up to having bought many well-being journals over the years. I start writing what I am grateful for, my good deeds, how I am going to make today great/wonderful and improve tomorrow, then forget to do my entry. Although now I rarely forget to do my daily journaling and feel the benefit from the freer form, often with prompts.

Slight diversion I have kept a ‘diary’ every year since January, 2018, it has proved a cathartic experience. Cathartic is another one of my favourite words, sounds like it is. I keep on telling myself to write to Dawn French as it is her Me You diary. The diaries helped me to keep going during my tsunami years and have been invaluable with my memoir. The entries are short, concise yet each captures my emotions. John gave me my first copy for Christmas 2017.

Back to the BIG question, what does living your best life actually mean, where do you start finding out, what is your best life versus some else’s, which part of your life do you redecorate, reorder or rearrange or is it all of it? Or do we just take it day by day to live our best life?

💡 moment, maybe a good place to start would be, what does it mean to me? i need a focus or I will ramble from Lands End to John O’Groats via every 🐇, 🦊 , 🦡 and 🦦 home. Please don’t take this as me telling you how to live your best life, these are paths and routes which each need to travel and map. Mine is just one journey on the road.

I came across a Groucho Marx quote which seemed fit one potential aspect:

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. Groucho Marx

The above quote could, if taken literally, result in no planning just getting up and seeing where life takes you. I often wish I was able to live a contented life this way. However, over the last few years I have struggled with the loss of routine and making my days mean something - don’t take it as deeply as it sounds, I am the world’s greatest procrastinator.

I do have my canine routine through non-negotiable walking and feeding times. I stuck to the dinner times of old, although that is now changing. I am much freer now, I no longer work, I don’t have to worry about living a couple’s best life as well as my own. I don’t have to worry about Spurs loosing nor boring John with my amateur twitching, birds, not the other kind. I got very excited when I saw a hawfinch under the yew tree in the garden last month. In a nutshell I can now be a selfish grumpy old twitching (both kinds) woman, if that’s what I want to do, or I reinvent myself into a sophisticated woman about town - a 🐖 just flew past window.

What do all the websites, gurus, videos and bits tell us? Having done some research to see how many there are and what they say, I am fairly bewildered, there is a lot of it. Although it is not rocket science and mainly common sense, with a bit of bland marketing often thrown in. Eat well, exercise, do new things, have healthy friendships, look after your finances. Here are a selection, firstly, a fairly cynical look at living your best life by Heather Snowden asking how realistic is it. Secondly, The New York Times has the ‘usual’ common sense advice, but it is more around aging well, rather than living the best life.

The new era tms website details five points which are concise and do make some sense:

1. Live in the present.

2. Do things you love

3. Take care of your mental and physical health

4. Build/repair meaningful connections

5. Set healthy boundaries with yourself

But I am not sure I buy into their mantra, often used elsewhere:

Living your best life means becoming the best version of yourself, mentally and physically.

What does that actually mean, who defines your best version of yourself, you or others? They could be very different. Not a discussion for now but I am reminded of Satre and the other as outlined in Dr.Absher’s philosophy blog.

The School of Life’s provides a more philosophical viewpoint. How we need to accept our imperfections, know our own insanity, accept our idiocy, in other words thinking, understanding and accepting yourself for what/who you are. In other words, to live your best life you need to accept yourself. Something I recognise I need to do myself, as I grow older I have more quirks, imperfections and insanity to accept.

I each perspectives has its place, and we may each relate to them differently. I see this as a positive, it would be an extremely boring world if we were all the same with our thoughts and actions mirroring each other. I do not want to spend my best life in very long queues of people because everyone wants to do the same things

Another aspect of living my best life is improving the lives of others in the best way I can, by interacting and possibly helping. I can see how smug and patronising that sounds so I will try to explain what I mean. I am not referring to the Coronation Bank Holiday The Big Help Out. I found the publicity incredibly patronising to the millions of people who volunteer their time day in day out. I enjoy interacting with people, making them laugh, hearing their stories and enjoying their company. I am also very happy to give people lifts wherever they need to go, and do other things for people. I get embarrassed when people think they must thank me, it helps me too, it is part of me living my best life.

What I have discovered, is no I am probably not living my best life nor am I sure I ever will, another debate for another day. However I try everyday although I will not beat myself up when I fail. I am:

• Doing, and boring you all, with my musings and ramblings helps me live my best life, it’s a new skill for me.

• I try to smile and say good morning to people, yet I can be an exceedingly grumpy old curmudgeom at times and that is ok as long as I don’t upset others.

• I will do everything in my power to be me

• I will always try and make other people’s lives better where I can.

• Sometimes I will sit in my security blanket, my brown leather chair, with whichever dog decides to join me and procrastinate an afternoon away. I will not feel guilty. It’s ok to have bad days.

• I am determined try new things, not too scary, no bungee jumping yet things outside my comfort zone - any/all suggestions welcome

• I am living my best life my way, however that changes daily.

I do realise I still haven’t answered the BIG question. What does it all actually mean to live your best life? I have decided it is more complex and is different for each of us. Maybe we each just need to be ourselves, who ever that maybe that day.

Back to 2025

Reading back and lightly editing this post I realise a few things, firstly finding the rabbit 🐇 warrens has improved my writing. Sorry Mr Big 🐇, not really the writing courses and writing retreats I have been lucky enough to attend have been invaluable. They have helped me improve my writing craft and more importantly helped me claw my way back into the real world. I am now starting to build my best life. I cannot recommend ease retreats run

Tanya Lynch

enough, and her Substack. Through Tanya I have met, and been inspired by, the most amazing women in safe and warm spaces.

Thank you all so much for being with me on my Substack and writing journey.

Ps it would have been quicker to write a totally new post.

Prompts

Can you remember what you were doing in April 2023?

What memories spring to mind? - pun intended for those in the northern hemisphere.

What helps you remember?

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