Is my old new life normal…..?
Absolutely definitely not for most
A gobbledegook title I realise. What do I mean? I am old so my life is old and I am learning to live life in a new way. Is this new life normal? No, which begs the question is there such a thing as a normal life. I will leave the gobbledegook for now as I know what I mean but doubt anyone else does.
Over the last few weeks I have been coughing and spluttering my way around and although it is getting better I am exceedingly tired of it and the resulting very unsexy rasping voice. I missed one event in London because of it, it would have been my first trip into the metropolis for four years. I realised it would be exceedingly bad manners to arrive at a book event coughing and spluttering, not a good look. So once again my life continues to be abnormal I have visited the metropolis for four years. I will get there one day.
The following evening I was due at a local theatre to see Josh Widdecombe. I thought for a minute and then realised he was good therefore there would be plenty of laughs and opportunities to cough my guts out without disturbing others or more importantly the main act. I put a new shirt on, travelled the exceedingly long journey of 7.4 miles, found a parking spot, not one of Hertford’s better points, got into the theatre, played the dementing old woman act - get the staff to take pity on you, got my 0.5% IPA and sat watching the ducks and suicidal damsel flies in the river and listen to the tumbling of the weir. It was a moment of bliss, a bit like my old life, I was pleased I made the effort. I got a few odd looks at my Barbie No Mates impression, taking up the table for two with the nicest view. Surprisingly it didn’t bother me. I wasn’t hogging a table for four as most couples were doing, nor was I bothering anyone, except with the occasional cough plus I had got their nice and early for the purpose of finding a comfortable spot.
The doors opened and I went into the theatre. First problem if you are going to send tickets out to be accessible via a web page ensure you have WiFi or mobile data access available. Luckily I had flagged the original email. Nonetheless, I still got pitying looks to register ‘the poor old dear can’t manage mobile tech’. Surprisingly, it didn’t bother me which it would have a few years ago.
Barbie No Mates entered the theatre, staggering a bit, with the darkness and the slope of the floor, a left over from my stroke, twenty years ago, I can have problems with balance in the dark. A lovely woman welcomed me, pointed out I was first and jokingly offered to show me to my seat, which she did.I had a lovely chat with her. I thought of John, he would be raising his eyes, he could never understand my love of conversation with complete strangers. I have discovered it is a useful tool, as is the use of a mobile when trying to avoid conversations.
The rest of the evening was full of laughs and Jack Skipper the support act set the evening up for laughs. Being Barbie No Mates was fine and did not stop me laughing, coughing and spluttering, sometimes at the same time. The only down side was sitting next to someone with the smelliest feet I have smelt since my two were teenagers and their trainers ran out of the front door on their own when ditched by their owners. I was convinced the neighbours at the end of the road could smell them.
What has all this rubbish rambling got to do with the title?
That evening sitting watching the ducks, listening to people enjoying themselves and feeling part of an audience made me realise I am forging a new existence on my own, and it’s ok. At the end of next month it will be 7 years since I took John into A&E at the Lister Hospital, everything stopped and our world was turned upside down. My life has not been my ‘normal’ since that day. In January 2021, I got the phone call from my son-in-law telling me Sarah was in an ambulance going to the National Neurology Hospital in Queens Square. Everything stopped that day, normality in my life ceased. Last Wednesday evening I realised I can be abnormally normal my way. I have to be or I will carry on withering into pickled prune.
As usual I couldn’t resist foraging in the rabbit 🐇 warren, it had to be done I typed in the question - what is a normal life?
Can we answer what is a normal life?
The google AI overview seems relatively sensible and one I certainly feel comfortable with, although before I get shouted down I would add - a life that does no harm to others and various other caveats:
It's crucial to remember that there's no single "correct" definition of a normal life. What is important is for individuals to define their own values and what brings them fulfillment and happiness. This allows them to live a life that feels meaningful and authentic, regardless of societal expectation.
WikiHow in How to Have a Normal Life lists ten things to do for a normal life from the perspective of the author at certain stage of life it includes:
Getting a pet - hhhmmmm I’ll come back to you on that one.
Learn something new - doing tha
Socialise - not always easy for older ✔️ this week
In many ways I am considered abnormal here are some reasons. I embrace being old, at 66, I will admit it and own it. That doesn’t mean I am doing myself down it means I recognise that with growing old comes good and bad points, don’t worry I have written about them before so need to go through the list. I am overweight, not particularly fit, but I have limitations due to things such as a previous stroke when I was 47. I will not judge others so why should others judge me, and if they do that is their problem, that I consider being normal. If 75year old decides to wear a boob tube and tight leather trousers, go for it, it may not be my choice, but that’s ok. If an old woman chooses to spend her money on expensive cosmetic treatments, potions and make up, that may or may not be normal within the culture they live, if you’ve got the money why not. I will stop as my soapbox is about to collapse from under me.
In summary I am totally normally abnormal, my views on being normal have changed as I grow old and have to life in very changed circumstances. Let me embrace being old, a curmudgeon, eccentric and don’t judge me or others by your own standards. Give advice not commands on what is normal and let people grow u their own time and space. This is particularly true with grief it is always with you. The intensity of the emotion reduce but there is still a dull ache that occasionally erupts into the gutwrenching feelings but not so often now.
STOP PRESS Explanation of photo
I finished my second draft of this post. Got up took Bonnie then Mildred out came back for Humphrey told him to find a ball. He charged off and I started climbing the steps, tripped heard the crack and my wonderful neighbours took me to the minor injuries unit and yes broken arm. So no proofreading, apologies and new normal life cancelled for 6 to 8 weeks. I had not had gas and air for over 45 years, since Sarah was born. As it is now wearing off no prompts today. I am hoping that I next week I will be able to write or more accurately type with my left hand.
Ouch, ouch and more ouch. But hey you are my kind of normal. I too speak to any and everyone nd smile too. At 72 going on 73 I try to live my life harming none., including myself. My husband has a saying. I used to be normal, but I’m all right now 😀
Sorry to have "liked" this so thought I'd better comment! I am very much someone who is confronting this old & age thing at 75. Hope your recovery is as smooth as can be...