Do You Think About Writing Your Memoir?
Why I need to set my memoir ground rules
This weekend’s rambling is a bit of a Linney brain dump.
One of the reasons for starting my Substack was to make myself write regularly and to think as a writer. I have always written, but never in a structured or cohesive way. It has been a scattergun approach, mainly journalling. However, 50 years ago, my notes/scribbles of thoughts, emotions, and experiences were just that. Journaling in those days was for proper writers, not people like me. There was the occasional poem, short story, and even the start of a play. The first two acts were rubbish, so it is decomposing along with other files in the cloud somewhere but is still there. It is called 'The Final Demise of Margaret Hutchinson' and is set in a rather odd waiting room—another common thread. Maybe I should write my guide to waiting rooms rather than a memoir 😄.
My life has not been earth-shattering; it has just been a series of experiences, emotions, ups and downs, roundabouts, and rabbit warrens like everyone else. But we all have our stories to tell. We don't have to have been an astronaut, Prime Minister, a celebrity or a sports person.
Ok, I need to hold my nose and dive down the rabbit 🐇 warren to find out the difference between the two. There are so many explanations I need to decide which to use. Grammarly provides a concise answer that combines most of the other explanations: "A memoir is a nonfiction narrative in which the author shares their memories from a specific time period or reflects upon a string of themed occurrences throughout their life. An autobiography is a factual and historical account of one's entire life from beginning to end."
A more detailed explanation of the differences is available on the Masterclass website Memoir and Autobiography: Learn the Differences and Tips for Writing Memoir and Autobiography. I am not recommending any particular course; there are so many. I would say SubStack is a perfect place to start. There are so many brilliant writers publishing their own memoirs and providing helpful tips, advice and courses/workshops. I am learning a lot from so many creative writers. I want to be a structured enough writer to start a memoir, not an autobiography.
What am I rambling on about? The clue in the title is that if I am to write a memoir, I need to set my own ground rules for what I will and won't write. It feels essential so I can be true to myself but not at the expense of others. Even though I may never get around to writing my memoir, it isn't very likely to be published. Yet if I do, that doesn't mean it will never be read by anyone at all, and being honest matters to me.
So here are my memoir ground rules:
I would never want to hurt anyone with my writing.
It would be my memoir and no one else. It is not for me to write other people's stories - even when entwined with mine. I need to make it clear it is about me.
My memoir would not be about settling scores except:
Maybe my mother, aka Psycho, because she caused so much damage to those I love.
Yet, I hope I am about how damaged she was by her upbringing and mother. She achieved a great deal in her life. She was the ultimate girl with a curl; 'when she was good, she was good, but when she was bad, she was off the scale'.
I will try to write in my voice with humour, even in darker moments.
Be brave enough to publish some anecdotes on SubStack for comment
Try not to be self-indulgent and be balanced
Be truthful, but recognise memories are slippery beasts, and others may view things in the past differently. Not to make anecdotes up.
Have you thought of or started writing your memoir? Where would, or did, you start?
“Some guy said to me: Don't you think you're too old to sing rock n' roll?
I said: You'd better check with Mick Jagger.”
― Cher
I hope you all have a good week.
If you enjoy my Substack ramblings and haven’t please do subscribe, or share with others. They are free to all and you would make a curmudgeonly old woman smile.
I also like your ground rules and look forward to reading what you write. This week someone mentioned in one of the comments to a post where I did a paragraph sort of listing high points of the sixties for me that I should write a memoir, and I instinctively said to myself-no, I'd much rather stick to fiction (where of course bits of me do show up, but because the fiction is either back in 19th century or near future new planet, there is no danger of people thinking it is autobiographical. But reading this post I realized how much I do enjoy other people's reminiscences (memoir) writing and how much the posts i do on similar themes are often the ones that show up as favorites, so I should think about doing more posts that are consciously memoir like (using your rules!) So as usual, thanks for a great post that gets me thinking.
I, too, enjoy reading memoirs and autobiographies. I find people endlessly fascinating and love reading about their inner thoughts, and how and why they made their choices. I have thoroughly enjoyed getting to know you through your stories.
I have two books floating around my head. The first has been there for years and years. It is a book about the dichotomy of my heritage: the Mexican/Native Californian vs the British. The conquered and the conquerors. Such vastly different peoples in the way back, yet in recent history they have much in common.
The other book is a memoir. It's about living with a narcissistic bipolar husband. We highly sensitive people tend to attract those with narcissistic tendencies, but the bipolar gave it a real kick. He knows this is in my head and nothing in it would be a surprise, so I believe I have his implicit go-ahead.
I don't know if I have it in me to write a book. My thoughts are constantly meandering and I don't know if I could focus in the long-term way required by a full book. It remains to be seen . . .